So far...

I lost all sense of time
All desire to relate to my past.  Any desire
to dwell on prior conversations.  Sick of lies that
demolish all future thoughts of happiness and
pleasure and...reality.
I'm torn by misdirection.
My writing wears your name.  And I want to erase it all but the pen that I scribe with won't allow
me to forget the days idly spent daydreaming
wanting, just longing for one more touch, for one
more hug, for one more smile, for one more "I Love You",
In my mind I see you..and the art mutually appreciated,
I longed for one more laugh
just one more...not guaranteed, no longer
feasible. makes me fight the , ...the urge
to hate..to write hate, to write pain
to write ugly poetry bcause it doesn't sound pretty
Drowning in this fucking
quicksand of disappointment, the river of
denial...it can't be.  Therefore, I will be
what you want me to be.  It makes no sense.
Only to me.  Maybe I am crazy. Maybe
my system of coping is childish.  so be it.
Let me get through it.
No need for dates, no need for times, moods,
it's all REDUNDANT.
"You have come so far-you've got so far to go"

Your bed should make stress go away

a couple days later she analyzed the
reoccuring drop that her stomach made when
she saw a picture with the two of them.
When she abandoned the construction of a book
formulated for him, how when she heard a
certain note in a song...she dwindled close
but fought from tears.
Oh because of him. she thinks more,
questions more.  Mrs. Detective she slowly becomes
as she promises herself she'll never be so lost in fantasy that she is blind to the hints and clues
and truth
staring her in the face.

Clarity

I consider myself mature, artistic, and capable of understanding the difference between beauty and physical attraction.  So this week, ...I've sorted it all out.

Beauty may touch your heart, may even make you shed a tear.   painting, a photograph, even a character from a book or a movie can be stunningly beautiful; and take your breath away.
Attraction though, will make you swell up inside,
make you pine and lone.  It comes laced with desire and delicious temptation. 
Attraction daydreams and fantasies both have amazing imaginations.  Sometimes it hurts and the pain is sweet.

"creating a working definition does wonders for Clarity."

Now that should've been on the SATS. LOL

Abstract Desire

...Colors meshed together

...like Picaso at his best

...contours of dimension

...mixtures flesh on flesh

...racial interaction

...sexual satisfaction

...physical collaboration

...emotional hesitation

...tastes of different flavors

...blending bodies in behavior

..each longing a way to savor

...what has brought them to the table

...he places her upon his plate of desires

...dismantiling his taste buds on fire

...drenching them in an end result

...with the residuals of liquid fluidity

iniquity embellishes the colors

...browns of warmth and sweetness

...left decomposed in this setting

...unadulterated

...incapacitated

...in Love

Daddy problems

I can call him Daddy because he is the only man who made me want to give my all and only look back to see him smiling in pride.  I wanted to make Daddy proud, make him feel accomplished and brag on his girl..I wanted Daddy to take me in his arms and hold me tight, tell me his love is all I need...and tell me how ugly the world is but how beautiful I can make it.  He protected me...he shielded me...he disappointed me...taught me that I needed to grow up and that I no longer was a little girl. 

Daddy told me I was a big girl now and I had to start acting like it. He gave me the wings. but never really taught me how to use them. He had a pair of his own but he was no angel.  Daddy contradicted himself a lot. He told me one thing but did another. I told him that I needed him...and he understood. I told him I can't do this alone, and he listened ....I told him that I could never love again,the way I loved him...if he left. Daddy knew what was best for the both of us...He knows it all. and dammit he can do no wrong.
Daddy should never be replaceable. Oh...but I have called someone else by his name.

Reminiscing...

"Touch me just for a little while" is what he whispered in my ear simultaneously sliding his pants lower as if he knew he didn't have to ask.  He knew I wouldn't say No.  I could never deny him a thing, could never resist his touch, his kiss, his wants, ..while I remain his desire...my only desire remains pleasing him.  I want nothing more than to succumb to his demands, each and every syllable that reverberates off his tongue I'll devour, as if I knew only what he told me and nothing more.
Uncompromising thoughts engulf the plank I walk on..for I dare not look down but look up to see his face above me, his body hovering over me...I surrender...cuz there is no place I'd rather be than underneath.
I could lay here for eternity .
Please baby baby please..don't cease this.
Please don' take your love away.